She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
