We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
