Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
