It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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