You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize