"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
this hospital has no fireball
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
