bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
even my farts smell like vagina
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Randomize
