you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
this is an emotional support booty call
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize