every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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