Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
