AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
