sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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