I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
