hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
