If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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