So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
