Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
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