I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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