I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
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