I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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