so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
