Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Randomize
