Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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