the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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