Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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