every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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