Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
