I want to walk on stilts...naked
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
