is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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