I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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