Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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