I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
