STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
