Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
