During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
