Me too!
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
