I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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