wat bout pragnant strippers??
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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