He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
