i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
