so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Operation Purity has been aborted
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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