i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
