i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
