Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
