It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
