but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
