i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
