How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
