The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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