I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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