I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
