And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
