So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
