Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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