Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
