dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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