Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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