Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
In America we eat man semen.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Randomize
