O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
