no one should ever give us hovercrafts
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
