ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
