I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
